Wednesday, December 14, 2005


This year has been exceptional in that I count my blessings all the time. The biggest one is phenomenal, once-in-a-lifetime, and what I'd only thought to be in my dreams only. That is, being proposed to in the most romantic way, by the most wonderful man in the world.

"There are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept." (Jhumpa Lahiri - Interpreter of Maladies)

It has come to this, despite my failings and mistakes, and not too few moments of despair that I could not be as lucky or happy as I'd like. I can't help being afraid that it will come to an end, sometimes I just can't believe my luck. But for now, let me revel in this. Let me be happy. Let's talk about the future when it comes.

It's true, I couldn't see my future until I met Stu.

My family have been so supportive and great. I no longer feel my mom loves me less, and everyday my brother does or says something to show his maturity. It's a great feeling to be proud of your family.

My friends...Pearlyn being the only one who knows everything about me, accepts me for what I am, even with her high moral standards. I could not ask for more. Meng, my dearest animal friend, who is going to fly all the way from USA to be my bridesmaid..she said, "I would not miss it for the world". Iris, ever willing to go all the way to help. Bryan, I dun even need to say much, for I know he will not judge me. Todd, my ever favourite gossip partner. Apple, still in her own world, but endearing and giving in her own generous ways. These are the few people I will miss dearly when I leave.

Colleagues are genuinely happy for me and excited about my wedding. Even Param, learning that she and Sangeeta have specially bought saris for the dinner warms my heart. KK is gonna try to come back from HK for the big day too!

........I've never received as many blessings and bouquets as I did this year.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

My family

I love my family more than anything in the world. (Stu is part of the family now). Seeing any of them upset makes me sad. Seeing all of them upset at the same time breaks my heart. At least last night I was crying over something really important to me and not over some idiotic PUB goons. I hope my brother will always have the guts he showed last night to apologise and explain his actions. And dad...I dunno what to to tell him that he is stubborn and unreasonable and should show more love n concern to his son and wife. Keeping quiet, running away or making stupid hurting remarks are not ways to solve problems (although I'd probably inherited his keeping quiet n running away traits). Did he really understand my bro last night? Would he continue to shout at him unreasonably?

We are one family and should stay as one. We may be weird and not affectionate or whatever, but the underlying thing is we all care for one another and should rememeber that whatever happens.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

About HP

She's known as the bitch, and it's easy to see why. Call me kaypoh, but I'd always wondered why some people turn out this way. Maybe it's her karma. Maybe she's just plain unlucky. Maybe she's not strong enough to fight off situations after situations. Maybe she's just too tired.

What would I be like in her position? Being a single mom, with a mother who vents her frustrations on her all the time, suffering from one failed relationship after another. I would never know as I'm not in the exact circumstances. My mom may be a bit biased but I know she loves me in her own way. I have several failed and traumatic relationships, but I felt that with every failure, I learnt and grew so much that I don't become bitter. I'm not a saint and I've done terrible things. But I would never again do things that I do not want done to me.

Someone should tell her that she's acting exactly like her mom. Venting her frustrations from failed relationships on hapless colleagues and strangers. Sometimes her behaviour turns people off, and when she realises that people are against her, she becomes worse not realising that she caused it in the first place. It's a viscious cycle.

Someone should tell her that she should seek happiness from within herself, and not from guys. I believe she feels that they are the answers to everything, so she goes all out to make the man happy, without first thinking if he is the right one for her. Being wild is one thing, but being labelled as 'loose' is another altogether. Whether she is or not, who would want a long term relationship with a slut? Even if someone is attracted to her, after they get what they want, she can be disposed of. All moms warn their daughters about that, and it's true.

Do I have the guts to tell her all these? If I do it would be after I quit, cos she'll probably hate me for that!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

KK's gone..

I miss KK. Didn't feel the 'pang' until the last moment, when he wailed 'Mei Nu!!!' and gave me a hug. 6 years of fending off stingy bosses, unreasonable colleagues, misbehaving workers and evil stooges together. 6 years of covering each others' asses, doing stuff that we each knew the other disliked. I'll never find a colleague as responsible, funny, and endearing as him.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Saturday, June 11, 2005


"She filled her palm of her hand with a lil water n held it before me, and said this, "u see this water carefully contained in my hand? it symbolizes love." As long as u keep ur hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if u attempt to close ur finger around it, n try to possess it, it will spill thru de 1st crack it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people make when they meet love, .. they try to possess it, they demand, they expect, .. and just like the water spilling out of ur hand, love will run from u., for love, is meant to be free, u cannot change its nature. If you love someone, allow them to be free beings.


It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practise. It is a *secret* to true love. To truly practise it, u must sincerely feel no expectations from those who u love, n yet an unconditional caring.
Maybe this is applicable for all of us.. "

I copied this from somewhere, till now I'm struggling with keeping a good balance. To me, unconditional love only applies to a mother's love for her child. For us mere mortals and normal beings, we can only try our best. How many times have I said to myself, I'm so glad I found him, he is the best thing that happened to me and I will not let a day go by without him knowing that. Yet I can take things for granted, sulk for the littlest reasons, and expect him to shower me with love and attention every single moment we are together?

I would say to my guy friends and colleagues, what a girl wants is very simple. 3 A's? Affection, Attention, Appreciation. Uh oh..maybe there are more...Adoration, Admiration, Assurance.....without all these, we would just be ANNOYING.

And what a guy wants? To be free. Trust is very important here. He taught me to trust, and be trusted. I can safely say that he can do whatever he wants, and I know he'd have done nothing to make me fret.